It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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