To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
