I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
