Dual....:-)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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