Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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