i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
