i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
