I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
