At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
