He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
