I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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