Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
