Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
