Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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