Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
