i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
