The maid of honor just puked.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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