AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
