I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
