"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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