i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
