If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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