It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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