I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
