Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
