Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
