I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
