If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
