I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
