I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
