I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
