if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
