there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
