But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
