Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
