my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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