Cold hands, warm shart.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
