I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
