They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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