I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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