Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
