Pappa wants mamma naked
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just high enough for therapy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
