If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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