the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
