Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
