"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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