The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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