K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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