i think my mom watched the whole time
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
