The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
