It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
