Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
