Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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