there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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