Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
