Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
