As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
